Hi, I am a Licensed Marriage, Family, Child and Adolescent therapist who has been in private practice for over 20 years in Santa Rosa, California. I specialize in treating Individuals, Couples, Teen’s & Families. My husband and I lead Private Weekend Marriage Intensives for couples and we also lead Matters of the Heart Workshops.
Please Visit our website Matters of the Heart Resources for more information.
I would love to talk with you and find out what you are going through. I am available to talk with you on the telephone for a free time of consultation before you decide if you would like to come in for an appointment. Please feel free to call me. I look forward to speaking with you.
Terri Haley is a Licensed Marriage, Family, Child and Adolescent therapist who has been in private practice for over 20 years in Santa Rosa, California. Terri specializes in treating Individuals, Couples and Families at Christian Counseling Associates. Terri is working on her doctorate in Psychology.
Terri leads Private Weekend Marriage Intensives for couple’s with her husband Allen. Allen and Terri also lead Matters of the Heart Workshops and write a column titled "Marriage Matters" for North Bay News.
Terri is a graduate of UC Davis. Terri is an interactive therapist who is known for her compassion and empathy while being able to gently confront and speak truth in order to bring insight and change for her clients well-being. She integrates complementary methodologies and techniques to offer a highly personalized approach tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, she works with each individual to help them build on their strengths and attain the emotional and spiritual growth they are seeking.
In addition to being a prominent relationship therapist, Terri has presented at conferences and to general audiences. Terri and her husband Allen designed and co-teach Matters of the Heart Workshops for Couples. Both are gifted speakers and writers who specialize in the integration of Psychology and Christianity.
Terri lives in Sebastopol, California with her husband Allen and loves spending time with Allen and her adult children. She also enjoys dancing west coast swing, hiking, and reading.
Focus of Practice
Assessment, Diagnosis and Treatment of:
Depression, Anxiety, Personality disorders and Relationship issues.
Psychodynamic, Object relations, Self-psychology, Family system theory, as well as Gestalt and Cognitive behavioral theories.
Individuals, couples, families, and adolescents.
Addiction and Codependency
Parent child relationships
Integration of spirituality and psychology
Spiritual issues of psychopathology
Matters of the Heart Workshops: Click HERE for more info.
Currently working on PhD at Southern California University, 2008 - present
Doctoral Studies- Northern California Graduate University
San Mateo, California, 1 year, 1997-1998
Grade Point Average-4.0
Master of Science Degree in Counseling, Psychology, 1990-1992.
California State University Hayward, Hayward, California.
Grade Point Average-3.9
Thesis Topic-Excessive Maternal Care (overly involved/protective mothering) and The Affects on Individuation and Autonomy in the Adult Years. (200 pages) Director: Dr. Don McKillop
Bachelor of Science Degree in Counseling, 1979-1982.
University of California Davis, Davis, California.
Licensed Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist- Private Practice, 1991-Present.
Treatment of Individuals, Couples, Families and Adolescents.
Sonoma County Adult Detention Facility Intake/Crisis and Group Therapist - Sonoma County Adult Detention Facility, Santa Rosa, California, 1998-2000.
Assessed incoming individuals for homicidal and suicidal ideation and other mental disorders. Worked on mental health team conducting mental health checks and crisis intervention for inmates. Designed coordinated, and lead therapeutic groups for female inmates.
Licensed Family and Child Therapist-CARE Children’s Counseling Center, Santa Rosa, Ca. 1996-1999.
Performed play therapy and family therapy, treating a broad range of disorders such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression and Separation Anxiety. Includes treating parents regarding relational and parenting skills. Taught parenting skills to parents through a two-way mirror. Taught training seminars and provided consultation to other therapists at CARE.
Psychiatric Hospital Group Therapist- CPC Redwoods Psychiatric Hospital, Santa Rosa, Ca. 1992-1994.
Responsibilities included teaching and leading process groups for the Partial Hospitalization day treatment program and inpatient open and locked units. These included teaching classes and leading groups to all mental disorders, including Dual Diagnosis Patients.
Psychiatric Hospital Intake Therapist-CPC Redwoods Psychiatric Hospital, S. Rosa, Ca. 1992-1994
Duties included crisis work for a full range of psychiatric populations in the Community. Skills involved triaging emergencies and handling suicidal, homicidal, and gravely disabled cases (5150’s) on a daily basis. Position required liaison work with police, Psychiatric Emergency Services, Social Services and other community agencies. This position also included making assessments as part of the Crisis team for admission into the hospital.
Trainer of Therapists at Medical Clinic. Wake Medical Services, Raleigh, North Carolina, 1983.
Taught, organized and trained North Carolina public school counselors in family systems techniques and therapy skills. Supervised 30 counselors weekly in training and lab work, behind a two way mirror, along with individual consultation.
Young Life Leader and Co-Area Director- outreach to youth in high school- Davis and Sebastopol, Ca..
Pastors Wife/ Church Planter/ Home Missionary-California Community Church-Santa Rosa, Ca.
Youth Pastors Wife-Bartlett Church and Bellevue Church- Memphis Tn.
Stephen Minister-Bellevue Church- Memphis, Tn.
Hospital Visitation Team-Bellevue Church-Memphis, Tn.
Youth group leader and teacher-Bellevue and Bartlett Church-Memphis, Tn.
Small group leader and teacher of Adults –Redwood Covenant, Santa Rosa, Ca.
High School Youth Counselor-Ponderosa Lodge- Mt. Hermon, Ca.
Lecturer and Teacher
Memorial Hospitals Annual Mother-Daughter Conference, Santa Rosa, Ca.- Chairperson and Speaker.
“Interpersonal Communication Between Mother & Daughter” Listening Skills with Empathy:.
Marconi Conference Center Women’s Retreat
Bonding, Boundaries, Assertiveness, Splitting, Anger Management and Dream Interpretation
Sonoma County Singles Group, Santa Rosa, Ca.
Spring Hills Community, Santa Rosa, Ca.
“Addictions-What are they and How to Heal Them.
California Community Church, Santa Rosa, Ca.-Women’s Ministries
“The Women at the Well”
“Tears That Wet His Feet”
“The White-Washed Cup”
“Every Thought Captive”
“Love, Limits, and Letting go”-Parenting our children
“Understanding and Shaping your Childs Temperament”-weekend retreat
Bellevue Church, Memphis Tn.
A Women’s Inner Beauty
Care Counseling Center, Santa Rosa, Ca.
“The Oppositional Defiant Child
“The Integration of Spirituality and Psychology.
Redwood Covenant Women’s Group, Santa Rosa, Ca.
“Following Foreign Gods”-Book study of Jeremiah
“Stages of Love in a Long Term Relationship’.
Speaker/Workshop Leader- California Association of Marriage and Family Therapist (CAMFT) State Conference- Sacramento, May 2013
Speaking and Training Marriage and Family Therapist in Couples Therapy "Leading Weekend Marriage Intensives for Couples in Distress"
Mt. Gilead Conference Center- Womens Retreat April 2013
Singing in the Rain- Depression in Women
Process Groups Leader
Led an ongoing women’s process group in Sonoma County for 3 years. “Our Relationship with Our Self and Our Relationship with Others.
Focus included honest interpersonal exploration with focus on ones internal process as well as sharing with sensitivity direct feelings toward others in the group that focused on the here and now.
A 12 step process group for women.- Led 1 year- “A Spiritual Journey”
Empathy - Acceptance - Safe Container
My therapeutic style is built on the foundation of listening, empathy, acceptance and understanding. I believe it is extremely important to provide a warm, caring, safe and non-judgmental container where I can be emotionally present, listen, follow, track and mirror emotional content, and tolerate emotions, thoughts and many different parts of people.
My desire is to help others contain and integrate aspects of themselves that they are unable to tolerate, grieve, feel, experience or recognize in themselves. It’s important to hold and sit with this part of them that feels too dark or too overwhelming. Through our connection and relationship then hopefully they will then be able to accept and sit with these parts of themselves. It’s important that a real relationship develops with real attachment where the possibility of internalizing the therapeutic voice may occur if needed. However, confrontation, structure, limits and boundaries will also be part of the therapeutic process.
Once trust is established, we begin the process of looking at where one has been hurt, broken, injured or immature so we can begin the process of restoration. The therapy then will reach deep inside these places where one is stuck or not growing. Many times some aspect of the therapy will involve pain. For example, depression is often about losses that have not been grieved. Once again empathy is extremely important.
Truth - Confrontation - Responsibility
Once a person feels understood then another aspect of effective therapy may be looking at what one doesn’t want to look at, admitting what one doesn’t want to admit and confronting what one doesn’t want to confront. Confession may be a part of this process.
This part of therapy involves taking responsibility and focusing on ones part in the difficulty.. Becoming internally focused on ones process instead of externally focused and blaming others is crucial in this phase of therapy. However, there are times when confrontation is not appropriate and instead building up a weak part of the self and giving it what it needs such as structure, grace or support is effective for growth. It’s essential to be interactive to provide grace, interventions, feedback, education and truth. Empathy and Confrontation are interwoven. This combination helps to bring about change.
Another important issue may be the concept of splitting or how one might be divided within. Often people have split off or compartmentalized certain aspects of themselves that they believe are unacceptable or shaming. If there is not integration then symptoms can occur. Also issues such as regulating drives, separation-individuation, autonomy, boundaries, structure, distortions and misperceptions in thinking, bonding and connectedness and vulnerability are some important aspects to evaluate.
Internal and External Behavior - Defense Mechanisms
Many people come into therapy in pain and have developed defense mechanisms to cover, deny or soothe this pain. However, frequently the defenses they have developed often have created more pain for themselves or their closest relationships. For example, someone with an addiction is trying to alter their mood, soothe their underlying pain which can lead to more difficulties. It is important to pay attention to the deeper issues within us. Therapy is not focused solely on external behavior. Often there are some very painful realities deep within ones heart that is driving behavior. These hidden underlying feelings and thoughts need to be revealed and processed often before change can be made Just treating symptoms is not enough. One must embrace the origin of the difficulty. Often, there is pain from ones family of origin that links to pain in the present. Sometimes acknowledging or confessing fear, anger, hatred, loneliness, sadness or desire and processing these feelings will free one from defenses. Other times, insight and restructuring ones thinking and distortions or the lens through which one sees themselves and others will bring about change. However, the external, the person’s behavior and choices does matter as well. A balanced approach and combination of both is important.
Theology and Psychological Theories
The word healing means “to save”. God wants to save all of us to have an eternal relationship with Him through Christ. And he wants to provide restoration. Theologically understanding the whole counsel of God is important. Recognizing that the Bible has overarching themes and many principles that are of vital importance for us to love and live a healthy life. We cannot take scriptures out of context.
We must accept that we are human, imperfect and in need of forgiveness. Grace is one of these truths. All psychological principals should be evaluated through the grid of scripture which is the authority. Wisdom and counsel is used based on God's word.
I embrace many psychological theories including Object Relations Theory, Psychodynamic, Self- Psychology, Cognitive Behavioral Theory as well as Family Systems theory and Gestalt theory. The interventions and techniques used from these theories are Gods principles and truths and are effective in creating and sustaining quality relationships and solid mental health. For example, “Speaking the truth in love,” and “Going to your brother when you are angry” or hurt are spiritual principles that are effective in assertiveness training and anger management treatment. These skills may need to be practiced.
On the therapeutic path it is necessary that’s ones issues are defined and clear goals and a treatment plan is understood. Each different diagnosis requires a different plan. Growth and change takes time and are sometimes invisible at first. Change or shifts may begin in the heart and then the outward change develops. The elements of growth are empathy, grace, truth, confrontation, insight, grieving, internalizing, integrating, time, love, the relationship, and the process. This is some of how we grow and change in the therapeutic process.
I grew up in Davis, California and attended Davis High and U.C. Davis. I now live in Sebastopol with my husband. We have two adult children. Personal interests include dancing competitively, hiking, reading, writing, teaching, and spending time with my husband and family.
California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists- CAMFT clinical member
Redwood Empire Chapter of CAMFT
Sonoma County Association of Christian Therapist
AACC- Member of American Association of Christian Counselors
Henry Cloud and John Townsend Ministries
Changes That Heal (with workbook)
Boundaries (with workbook)
Boundaries with Couples
Boundaries with Kids
How People Grow
Leading Small Groups
Safe People (with workbook)
Love is a Choice
Codependent No More-Melody Beattie
Emotional Incest-Susan Forward
Women Who Love Too Much- Robin Norwood
Dance of Anger-Harriett Gold
Dance of Deception-Harriett Gold
Managing Your Emotions- Joyce Meyer
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail-John Gottman
Getting the Love you Want (with workbook)-Harville Hendricks
Hot Monogamy-Pat Love
Safe Haven Marriages -Archilbald Hart and Sharon Hart
In Quest of the Mythical Mate- Bader and Bader
Back From Betrayal
After the Affair-Janis Abrams
Do I have to give up me to be loved by you?-Jordan & Margret Paul
Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships- Chip Ingram
The Two Step, He's Not That Into You
Drama of the Gifted Child –Alice Miller
Narcissism and Identity-Solomon
Walking on Eggshells- Borderline Personality-
Scarred Soul-Cutting Behaviors
Healing the Shame that Binds You.-John Bradshaw
The Family-John Bradshaw
The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook-Bourne
The Good Mood Therapy Book (with workbook)- David Burns
Battle for the Mind-Joyce Meyers
The Pursuit of God-A.W. Tozer
Wild at Heart-John Eldredge
Sacred Romance-John Eldredge
Leading with a Limp- Dan Allender
The Wounded Healer- Henri Nouwen
The Problem of Pain- C.S. Lewis
Mere Christianity- C.S. Lewis
Rebuilding Your Broken World- Gordon MacDonald, M.Div
When Godly People Do Ungodly Things- Beth Moore
Breaking Free- Beth Moore
Get out of the Pit- Beth Moore
Addiction & Grace- Gerald May, MD
Dark Night of the Soul- Gerald May, MD
Banquet on the Grave- Ed Welch, PhD.
Changes that Heal- Cloud, Townsend
Rag a Muffin Gospel- Brennan Manning
Utmost for His Highest -Oswald Chambers
The Sheppard Story - D.L.Moody
Prodigal God- Timothy Keller
Love and Respect- Emerson Eggerich
How We Love- Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Getting the Love you Want- Harville Hendricks
Hold me TIght Sue Johnson
After the Affair- Janis Abrahams
Torn Asunder- Les Carder
What Men/Women Want- Shanti & Jeff Feldhan
Rescue Your Love Life- Cloud, Townsend
Boundaries in Marriage-Cloud, Townsend
Love and War-John and Stasi Eldredge